....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
