youre lurking in front of me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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