Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
