Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fuck appropriateness.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
