He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
