Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
