I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
