just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
