She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
