slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
