The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
