I faked an abortion last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
