i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
