I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
