At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
