Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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