at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
