..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
