I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
