Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
