dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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