i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
