woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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