id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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