he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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