everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
