the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
