you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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