everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
