dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
