Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
