how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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