make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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