the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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