I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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