She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
