I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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