oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
