It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
