I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
