i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
