here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
