So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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