He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
