just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
