Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
