is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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