I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
