Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
