i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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