I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
