if you like me you must not know who I am
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
